


Eren Goes to Maria Gakuen

by TheLunarSquad



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A+ weeb language, Kawaii, M/M, Mercury - Freeform, Parody, chicken strips, consumption like a protist, desk-sama, hot and sexy desks, teenage wangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4259322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLunarSquad/pseuds/TheLunarSquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren was the new kid at school. There, he meets Levi, the cold, yet handsome, loner. Can Eren enter the heart of this cut-off individual? Or will he be rejected? Read to find out! (Don’t worry, Jean is only briefly mentioned) ERERI HIGH SCHOOL AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eren Goes to Maria Gakuen

**Author's Note:**

> My new story!!!! Originally posted on ff.net. Hope you enjoy it, NYAH!

Eren was super shy. Everyone always told him he looked like an uke, but he was determined to become a seme. He wanted to change, but he saw Levi, the overpowered seme, and was super distraught. He nyoomed away.

Eren locked himself in his room like the hormonal teenager he was.

Mikasa tried to get in "EREN YOU DUMBASS! GET OUT HERE! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN ANGSTY TEEN!!!!" 

Eren was super mad at Mikasa, she wasn't the boss of him.

Eren activated his gothic-vampire powers and became a character from My Immortal. He jumped into the big wide river Styx and cried tears of blood. "WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR. MY KOKORO IS BROKORO," but then he remembered the suave and debonair Levi, and he was brought back to life.

He went back to school and stole Mikasa’s nose, he then threw it into the abyss and found Levi. Levi looked at the shounen and was said, "omae wa shounen. Ore wa suki desu kimi."

Eren was super impressed with his A+ weeb language and grabbed Levi’s face with his expanded yaoi hands. He nuzzled him with such prowess. Levi desu blushed...but refused to be out-semed. 

Levi’s hands expanded endlessly, engulfing Eren’s body like a protist performing phagocytosis. The outlines of his body became stiff and horribly drawn, and his color scheme became 413% more tacky as his chin became an upside down illuminati symbol . The yaois were consuming the government.

Eren’s body spun like a Beyblade, and he and Levi twirled around. Sakura **(lol me)** petals swirled around them. It was magical. They spun away like a helicopter and landed on the Hercules Corona Borealis Great Wall. They gazed into eachother’s thickly lashed eyes, so many sparkles whirled around them

Levi’s voice was husky and fierce, "mmmmm Eren, you have penetrated my cold kokoro." 

Eren didn't blush cause that would be cliché. Instead, he ripped off Levi’s clothing and threw him off the wall. Levi fell like Humpty Dumpty. A slow version, kinda like a lullaby, of Humpty Dumpty played in the background.

_Humpty Dumpty sat on Wall Maria_  
_Humpty Dumpty had a great fall_  
_All the king-sama’s forces_  
_And all the king-sama’s shounens_  
_Couldn’t put Levi together again_  
_So they used Crackle glue, and it was all wakatta_

Levi now had a big scar on his gluteus maximus that was fused with super glue. Eren found it super attractive. "I’m so sorry I pushed you off the wall, atashi wa suki omae wa. Ussendayo."

Levi didn't know what it meant, but it sounded super romantic. He decided he wanted Eren’s kokoro, so he ripped Eren apart and grabbed it. He ran into the sunset with Eren’s kokoro. 

Eren grabbed the super glue and pasted himself back together. He still loved Levi though. However, Levi had left a gaping hole in his kokoro.

Levi ended up on the moon where he found lots of iron deposits. But he decided to leave them **(haha reference to my own story. Ya know how Kanda-kun and Allen-chan ate iron on the moon. Lol signal boost for The Big Bang XD)**.

Soon, Eren and Levi got tired of watching several pairs of men having homosexual intercourse on the tsuki, so they took their SE 313B Alouette II and landed perfectly into the basement of their gakuen through the open skylights. Levi was a pro at helicoptering. 

The futari pranced upstairs into a classroom, grasping eachothers’ yaoi hands tightly, as a hoard of fujoshis (and a few fudanshis) emptied the entire capacities of their circulatory systems out through their gaping nostrils. 

“YOU TWO ARE TOTES MY OTP,” exclaimed one girl as she died slowly. 

Anyways, as the pair stepped gracefully through the pools of crimson, their gay couple bonding time was interrupted by Mikasa, Eren’s volleyball **(REFERENCE TO WIKASA, MY FAVORITE FANFICTION)**. “Eren, 你小笨蛋 Where have you been? I was SO worried!！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！Are you dijoubu???“

Eren, being a teenager, was all like, "GAWDS MI CASA. YOU'RE NOT MY OKAA-SAN!!!!" Eren rolled his shimmering emerald optics because he was in his rebellious teenager phase. He had passed his angsty teenager phase when they were on the tsuki, I wonder what will come next...

Mikasa “che’d” like Kanda from D.Gray Man **(#fav)** and turned around to pin Levi with her nonexistent oculi sinister and dexter. “...and YOU.. .吃屎，你たわごとクソがらくたASSING fucknutは、自分自身をファック行くあなた同性愛memer, 你怎么敢让EREN （那个愚蠢的荷尔蒙蛋）待在月亮上？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？?？？？？？？？？？？？？？?？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？?？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？?？” 

Levi had no idea what she just said, but it sure sounded like she was questioning his sexuality. “No homo,” Levi said. Clearly, Levi was a manly man who was very secure with his sexual identity.

Eren stared at him with luscious evergreen orbs because that makes sense. 

Mikasa sighed and flipped her fiery vermilion red scarf sassily, “head to class boys. You’re .1011 seconds LATE!” She rolled off into the sunset.

Levi slammed open the door to Year 3, Class C-14, and nyoomed to his desk between the cabinet and that one pink-haired chick, Chiyoko Kubozono, as fast as Sanik; his hand firmly attached to Eren’s yaoi appendages the whole time. 

Levi plopped himself down in the chair and Eren straddled him. Levi ate Eren’s heart. It tasted like chicken strips. Yum. Eren was super mad and defenestrated himself.

A horse chuckled beside them. His name was Jean.

Levi didn't even notice because the classroom was so dirty. He had to clean the room. Incessant cleaning hormones overwhelmed him like a tsunder storm. He started to wipe off his desk with sanitizing wipes. 

He rubbed his face on the clean desk, "oh, Desk-sama." Levi kissed the desk with much fervor. He had fallen in love.

Levi and Desk-sama were so in love together that they decided to elope to the tsuki. However, the tsuki was already occupied by at least three pairs of homoesexual men still having intercourse. 

So, Levi and Desk-sama saniked all the way to Mercury in the helicopter, where they suffocated slowly and eternally in the thin atmosphere, floating all the while because of Mercury's relatively low level of gravity in comparison to the Earth. 

Levi decided that he liked being madly in love with the great Desk-sama, because Desk had smooth, polished mahogany panels that beckoned endlessly; and also, no one could question his sexuality anymore because desks don’t have genders. Also, they were on Mercury, and there are no people on Mercury. No homo.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I should have added more neko neko! NYAH  
> Maybe a nekomimi next time!


End file.
